have you ever read something that killed you inside? like a text message or someone’s status. everything was going fine until you accidentally came across something you didn’t want to read. or you found out something you were better off not knowing. it’s almost as if it was posted just to purposely hurt you. but you constantly read it over and over again to torture yourself.
"When did the anxiety start taking over?"
"When it actually matters, you know? When you’re auditioning for, you know, for your work, your career, your life. You’re an adult, it’s not just fun and games, you’re actually trying to build something and when it doesn’t work out, you start to kind of get.. you know."
Welp. Can’t say I didn’t see this coming, but I didn’t think it would feel so much like a punch in the gut.
Here’s hoping I can fix this when we talk later.
[on diversity in media] I think its social responsibility. I think it’s our responsibility to stand up and say what we want. It think if you look at television in the past two years, it’s becoming the decade of the female. Like, all these new shows with female leads. Even if you look at television, as well as cable, as well as films, there’s been a resurgence, as far as the leading woman in Hollywood, which is great. And I think we’re also at the point now…you know, it’s interesting…x
got a good morning text
…from the wrong guy.
what is going on
ok so I’m terrible
went to look at our facebook friendship
found his post wishing me happy birthday
he called me little lady
he does that a lot now
how did I not figure this out sooner
He’s supposed to be coming down on Tuesday to hang out for the afternoon and evening
But we haven’t spoken all day
And he was being weird and acting like he didn’t want to talk to me yesterday
So I’m planning coffee/lunch with my advisor Tuesday afternoon
And if he decides he’s gonna show then his sorry ass can just wait for me to be done, goddammit
I have my own life and my own things going on and they don’t revolve around him
I’m not that easy to win over
you know that whole thing where people in not-quite-relationships are like
i’m gonna wait for them to text me first today
i swore i would never do it
i swore i didn’t care
but now i’m doing it
and i can’t help but wonder if he’s doing it too
which is stupid